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Memories of my cousin’s suicide a year ago 

Donreece. I awake before the cock crows daily since the news of your departure. The mystery of your untimely exit, yanking at my heart strings begging for clarity. Why? How? What? Are the gnawing questions that linger. Unlike others, i cannot make peace…It is not fair, downright unjust!  
Why would I never be able to awake with the comfort of one day visiting, smiling with you, reading the poetry that you call rap, but that I find more thoughtful, deeper, more sincere and heartfelt than any rapper’s words?  
How could God, in his omnipotence and omniscience snatch your light from us, when you seem to have had so much more to be, to do, to give, to get from this life?  
What could I/should I have done to intervene in this ordained destiny? Did I fail to pray hard enough? Couldn’t my God have warned me so that I could beg for more time? Time to visit, time to say bye, time to kiss your cheeks one last time for eternity.   
Instead, all I have are mere memories. Memories of confidences shared and kept, laughter, tears, anger. Silly memories that are but mere replicas of what else we could have done-the thoughts we could share, the confidences we could cherish, the laughter we could double over in…just one last time. 

Perhaps I would let you have that beer when you were 18 and I fussed with you about not drinking until 21. You were really mad at me for that one. You, wanting to flex your newly legal adult muscles, and me, wanting to preserve the beautiful innocence I saw in you through your book of poetry and the thoughts we shared. 
Perhaps I could have been a more cool less serious big cousin. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, all I have left are miserable ideas of what could have been, of how an angel so sweet whispered in a world without the ears to hear him. I heard you, I always have. But, this time, my ears were numb to your angelic whisper by the loud , bombastic noise of my own miserable life, so that my dreams and my heart were closed to our usual telepathic connection. 
As I write to get these unforgiving thoughts onto paper, I feel your gentle forgiving whisper tell me: “Joujou, it is okay. I am well, I am free. Do not worry for me but take care of you.”  
I sigh deeply with the thankful relief of the chance to say goodbye. Sleep well my dear cousin, sleep well. I am sure the Angels await the music of your voice, the testimony that is your poetry. Your poetry will now find its most attentive audience and this time, maybe, just maybe, you wont mind the music because the harps and the angelic hosts will be a soothing accompaniment to your words. Fly high baby cousin, SOAR like the celestial eagle you are. 


Joujou/Chandra. 12/18/2015

Published by: Local Lives, Global Voices

I, Chandra Young, ‘the moon that outshines the stars, was born in Kingston Jamaica to an Indian Father whose family migrated from India, and a mulatto mother, whose family, paternally and maternally, trace their history on the island to the 17th century sale of slaves, and slaves themselves. We migrated to the United States while I was a youngster. I later went on to graduate from The City College of New York, with a Bachelor’s degree in Political Science; then Yeshiva University’s Benjamin N. Cardozo School of Law, with a Jurisdoctor degree; and I am currently on hiatus from my doctoral studies in Law and Policy at Northeastern University. After graduating from law school, I successfully sat for both the Florida and New York Bars, and worked in both the Private and Public Sectors. Simultaneously, my role as mother and my passion for education pushed me into Academia, where I have lectured at colleges in the areas of Political Science, History, Business Law, Sociology, Pluralism and Diversity, Critical Thinking, Critical Academic Reading and English Composition. In these capacities, I have mentored inner city/urban college students, and have also served as Guardian Ad Litem to the Seminole County Courts, where I advocated on behalf of children of families in crisis. Being a scholar of Political Science in my collegiate years, I contributed my talents and passions towards championing of the rights of my fellow students, many of whom, like myself, were of Immigrant families. I was instrumental in a student movement that spearheaded a University-wide student boycott protesting tuition hikes in the City University system. The successful protest led to the shutdown of all the University’s colleges in every Borough, and got the attention of the media and politicians of the day. The result of the successful protest was a halt of any tuition increase for several fiscal terms. Today, the City University and State University systems are free to families earning less that $125,000.00, which include most urban, inner-city and immigrant students. While at City College, I was selected as a student ambassador contestant in the Ms. Jamaica-USA pageant, sponsored by the Jamaica Progressive League and the Honorable Una Clarke, the first Caribbean and Jamaican born woman to be elected to the legislature of the City of New York, and mother of United States Congresswoman Yvette Clark. A diligent advocate of affordable housing for New Yorkers, I was committed to the mission of realizing the American dream of home ownership for New Yorkers and I am the recipient of a Proclamation by the City Council of the City of New York, for my efforts in that regard. My dedication to the City of New York and immigrant communities, particularly those of Caribbean heritage, have been unwavering, and I was presented with the Marcus Garvey Award of Recognition by the New York based Jamaica National Movement, for service to Jamaicans and Caribbean people in the City of New York. I continued my passion of being a part of a mission to champion the rights of underprivileged and underrepresented persons in my recent milestone, the United States Peace Corps, where I dedicated 18 months of my life, away from home and family, to the people of Jamaica, as a Literacy Adviser and Community Developer. I am the mother of two children, a writer, blogger and poet. I always loved writing. As a child, I remember finding privacy and solace to write in my garage, where I could hide the written pages amongst the plethora of books our family stored there. I began blogging on my Facebook page and was encouraged by friends who enjoyed by posts, to start a blog. I officially started this blog during my Peace Corps Service, but it is certainly not limited to my service. In fact, it represents an amalgamation of thoughts expressed and lived through the direct and vicarious experiences that being a global citizen can provide. This blog is my way of building a bridge that connects our local lives experienced in our specific localities, with the global voices that unites us in the similar experiences, concerns, pains, passions, etc that joins us together as human beings in spite of geography. You there.......Me here. We....together in one world....one humanity.

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